“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
A.A. Milne

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

When we all get to Heaven...Dog lovers will understand...

As I write this, my dog lays in my bedroom dying.  She is over fourteen years old and had several cancerous tumors removed this past year.  This time , her whole body is filled with cancer.  I took her to the vet this morning because she can barely walk.  I know she needs to be put down but I couldn't do it just yet.  My husband is out of town and I'm waiting for him to return.  The vet gave her heavy duty pain meds and she is now comfortably in LaLaland.  The vet said it is doubtful she will make it through the night.  My hope and prayer is that she passes while she is sleeping.  I do not want to have to take her back to the vet.  I want her to pass at her home with me by her side.  It's the least I can do.

I have always been a dog person.  When I was young, I would constantly drag home stray animals that my mother would promptly make me get rid of.  I love animals- all animals. Dogs, of course, have been my favorite.  They give what no one else on this earth can give--unconditional love.  No matter your mood , no matter how you treat a dog, he/she will still love you and be ecstatic when you arrive home.  You ca.n be gone 5 minutes or 5 months and that dog will be overjoyed to see you. You can look and feel like crap or you can be on top of the world --doesn't matter, the dog doesn't care.  They love you either way.

Trixie was a "replacement" dog.  I had just put my 16 year old Pomeranian mix dog to sleep and I needed a new dog for the kids.  We had another dog, Sunny,a yellow lab mix, and he needed a friend.  So I saw an ad in the paper for a border collie/aussie mix puppy-$50. Last one. Runt of the litter. Has blue eyes.  Sounded perfect.  And she was!

Trixie was my closest companion from that time on. When I walked she was my walking partner. She did laundry with me.  She did the dishes with me.  She made beds with me.  Heck, she went to the bathroom with me.  No matter where I was in the house or outside, she was there.

She loved the kids too.  In the wintertime, she loved tagging along while they went sledding.  They, on the other hand, were not too fond of her coming , since she would chase them down the hill and nip at their coats.  It was that herding instinct coming out.  We didn't have sheep, so Trixie used kids!

Trixie didn't love it when we left--even when it was for a few hours.  She suffered her entire life from separation anxiety.  She destroyed several screen doors and even ate our hot tub cover in retaliation for us leaving her behind.  We learned to lock her up in a safe room when we were gone.  Even as recently as a few months ago, my father stayed and watched the dogs while we were on a trip.  He said she paced the hallways waiting for me the whole time.

Trixie also hated fireworks and thunder.  She would shake with fear when thunder sounded.  And when we would try to light our own fireworks at Christmastime, she ran over to it, grabbed it with her mouth, and buried it in the snow.  We stopped doing fireworks after that.

My family and I have experienced a lot of death this past year.  My mother died in December.  My brother died in January.  And now my dog.  I wasn't ready for Trixie to pass a few months ago.  But I'm ready now.  It's not about me.  She has given everything for me.  And now it's about her and her needs.  She needs to not be in pain.  She needs to be free again.

Trixie has been the nicest, gentlest dog I have ever had.  Never has she growled or snarled at anyone.  You couldn't have asked for a better friend.

We are going to bury her in our backyard alongside her best friend, Sunny.  Sunny died a few years back.  When we buried Sunny, Trixie was right there.  My husband laid him in his grave and Trixie walked over and with her nose pushed dirt into his grave.  She mourned for days for Sunny.  She lost 11 pounds until my husband brought home another dog (Starbuck) which helped Trixie recover from her loss.  

I don't know if dogs go to heaven (though the movie says they do).  The Bible is not specific on that matter.  But if they do, Trixie will be there.  She will have the biggest crown any dog could have.

Saying goodbye to your best friend is tough. So I won't just yet. But it is only a matter of hours now. And so I say thank you , Trixie.  I couldn't have done it without you.

UPDATE:  My girl did in fact last through the night.  Her will to live and be my companion was astonishing.  At 11:30 am today, we had her humanely euthanized.  She rests by her best friend, Sunny.