“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
A.A. Milne

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

When we all get to Heaven...Dog lovers will understand...

As I write this, my dog lays in my bedroom dying.  She is over fourteen years old and had several cancerous tumors removed this past year.  This time , her whole body is filled with cancer.  I took her to the vet this morning because she can barely walk.  I know she needs to be put down but I couldn't do it just yet.  My husband is out of town and I'm waiting for him to return.  The vet gave her heavy duty pain meds and she is now comfortably in LaLaland.  The vet said it is doubtful she will make it through the night.  My hope and prayer is that she passes while she is sleeping.  I do not want to have to take her back to the vet.  I want her to pass at her home with me by her side.  It's the least I can do.

I have always been a dog person.  When I was young, I would constantly drag home stray animals that my mother would promptly make me get rid of.  I love animals- all animals. Dogs, of course, have been my favorite.  They give what no one else on this earth can give--unconditional love.  No matter your mood , no matter how you treat a dog, he/she will still love you and be ecstatic when you arrive home.  You ca.n be gone 5 minutes or 5 months and that dog will be overjoyed to see you. You can look and feel like crap or you can be on top of the world --doesn't matter, the dog doesn't care.  They love you either way.

Trixie was a "replacement" dog.  I had just put my 16 year old Pomeranian mix dog to sleep and I needed a new dog for the kids.  We had another dog, Sunny,a yellow lab mix, and he needed a friend.  So I saw an ad in the paper for a border collie/aussie mix puppy-$50. Last one. Runt of the litter. Has blue eyes.  Sounded perfect.  And she was!

Trixie was my closest companion from that time on. When I walked she was my walking partner. She did laundry with me.  She did the dishes with me.  She made beds with me.  Heck, she went to the bathroom with me.  No matter where I was in the house or outside, she was there.

She loved the kids too.  In the wintertime, she loved tagging along while they went sledding.  They, on the other hand, were not too fond of her coming , since she would chase them down the hill and nip at their coats.  It was that herding instinct coming out.  We didn't have sheep, so Trixie used kids!

Trixie didn't love it when we left--even when it was for a few hours.  She suffered her entire life from separation anxiety.  She destroyed several screen doors and even ate our hot tub cover in retaliation for us leaving her behind.  We learned to lock her up in a safe room when we were gone.  Even as recently as a few months ago, my father stayed and watched the dogs while we were on a trip.  He said she paced the hallways waiting for me the whole time.

Trixie also hated fireworks and thunder.  She would shake with fear when thunder sounded.  And when we would try to light our own fireworks at Christmastime, she ran over to it, grabbed it with her mouth, and buried it in the snow.  We stopped doing fireworks after that.

My family and I have experienced a lot of death this past year.  My mother died in December.  My brother died in January.  And now my dog.  I wasn't ready for Trixie to pass a few months ago.  But I'm ready now.  It's not about me.  She has given everything for me.  And now it's about her and her needs.  She needs to not be in pain.  She needs to be free again.

Trixie has been the nicest, gentlest dog I have ever had.  Never has she growled or snarled at anyone.  You couldn't have asked for a better friend.

We are going to bury her in our backyard alongside her best friend, Sunny.  Sunny died a few years back.  When we buried Sunny, Trixie was right there.  My husband laid him in his grave and Trixie walked over and with her nose pushed dirt into his grave.  She mourned for days for Sunny.  She lost 11 pounds until my husband brought home another dog (Starbuck) which helped Trixie recover from her loss.  

I don't know if dogs go to heaven (though the movie says they do).  The Bible is not specific on that matter.  But if they do, Trixie will be there.  She will have the biggest crown any dog could have.

Saying goodbye to your best friend is tough. So I won't just yet. But it is only a matter of hours now. And so I say thank you , Trixie.  I couldn't have done it without you.

UPDATE:  My girl did in fact last through the night.  Her will to live and be my companion was astonishing.  At 11:30 am today, we had her humanely euthanized.  She rests by her best friend, Sunny. 


  1. Sorry about your friend. :(

    We had to have our 16 year old Maggie put down in October 2011 and I miss her every day.

    I'm a lifelong dog person, too, but we have decided no more dogs unless we suddenly are wealthy enough for some property in the country.

  2. so sorry for your loss too Ami. We do live in the country and I have two more dogs that I love also. Trixie was extra special.

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  4. I'm so sorry for your loss. Our pets become part of the family, losing them is like losing a member of our family. I dread the day we have to put our Mugsy down. He's a mastiff german shepard mix. I've been battling two diseases for the last two years and he's been my constant companion and chief tear holder scratching wanting only some head scratching in return ( well maybe a pup-peroni. I hope you find a new companion soon.

  5. About a month ago, I had to put down my cat of 15 years. He was not the wonderful companion a dog is, but he was part of the family and I miss him dearly.
    In January, we added a canine fur person to our family, and she has been a great consolation to the loss of my feline. Bailey is a lab mix, now 10 months old and I'm blessed to have her.
    I sincerely hope you are able to find another animal to be there with you, although I know they will never replace the ones you've lost. Best of luck!

  6. I am so sorry for your loss. A month ago we put down my best friend of 11 years after we found out what we thought to be just a broken leg was actually bone cancer. He didn't even get to wake up to say goodbye to us. Our other dog just wanders all sad and she won't let us leave the us without her. When we do she just cries and cries (we have video in our home.) I got DJ 2 months after my husband and I were married. He was a US Marine and I was 800 miles away from everyone I had ever known. I walked past a pet store and there was a sign on his cage saying today was his last day. He was born at the exact time on the exact day that my husband and I said I do. I couldn't pass him up and it was the best $70 I have ever spent.

  7. I know this is late, as I am just now finding your site, but I wanted to offer my condolences on the passing of Trixie. It's never easy when a furkid passes & my heart is with you. I've never found it fair that we get to spend such a relatively short part of our lives with these wonderful creatures, even though it's a lifetime for them. However, I've heard that the goal in life is to learn to love everyone equally & to the best of your ability & well, if that's true, then it's no wonder dogs lives are so much shorter than ours....they get it SO much quicker than we do! LOL I love a dogs ability to love unconditionally, to forgive, to be happy at the little things...in that they are very lucky. And at least we are allowed to spend that brief fleeting moment on this earth with them. I believe our lives are so much richer for the experience :-) Blessings - ChristineB

  8. Thank you everyone for your kind comments. She lies buried next to my bedroom window with her best friend Sunny. They were inseparable. I think of her often. I know there will never be another dog like her. Her love and affection have been unmatched. I do have other dogs whom I love dearly. My daughter bought me a Mini Australian shepherd before Trixie passed. Tildy is a ball of fire. I also still have a 4 year old border collie named Starbuck. I hate that they stay such a short time in our lives but truly our lives are richer for them. Thank you again everyone.

  9. just saw your message. I lost my beloved Belle in February 2011, who was a mutt but disguised herself as a beautiful border collie. She was exactly as you described Trixie, everyone's best friend and my dearest companion. I had adopted a shelter dog, Ava, who had to be put down due to her extreme animal aggression. She was great with people but jumped my fence and sought out other dogs to fight with. Very sad after those two, we brought home a 9 wk old pure border collie, now 7 mos. He is a bundle of energy and I am not as young as I used to be. I'm sure one day he will be great, right now he is a challenge! Like you, we are dog people. I also hate that they are gone too soon. I don't know why, in our late 50's, we did this again, but as you say, those animals sure do bring us joy! (when I'm not cleaning up his messes or exhausted from his constant need to play!) ;)

    1. Thanks for sharing Jaci. So sorry for your loss. It will get better. And your new border collie will too. They calm down after about a year and a half!!